The Last Two Years!

It's been over two years since my last post. I had stopped writing. I don't know why. Maybe I didn't have anything to write about. But I've decided to write again. It's easier. Sometimes. However, you don't have to read it. But I've to ramble on. So I shall.

So What have I been doing for the last two years? Good question. I think the closest answer would be 'figuring things out'. You might ask, "How did that work out for you?" "Some good. Some bad." However, my last two years spent in a land far away from what I call home was important. In fact, it was necessary. To live in a town and not a city. To live alone and not with a roommate. It was imperative that I learn to love my company. I understand the value of 'conversation' much more now. I know how easy it is to get lost in the matrix of our minds. I value listening to speaking. I have learnt not to judge. Most of all, judge someone by their looks. Although, one can argue that the way a person looks outside is the reflection of his/her inside. Either way, that is not the point. Not that everything has to have a point. But you get what I mean?

These past two years have been very interesting, to say the least. Many events and many more realizations have made this ride extremely (un)comfortable at times. I have done things that I never thought I would do. I have not done things that I always thought I would do. Ah well! This place has brought me closer to myself. And for that, I'll be eternally grateful. There is no such pleasure as knowing who you are and accepting that. One might say, it's liberating even. I lived in a beautiful apartment. It was my safe haven with nick-knacks collected from my travels. I filled it with memories from my previous years and have made new ones to fill my future homes to come. I have re-connected with old friends that I had last met in School. I got closer to friends who were with me in College. This place brought me closer to my second-cousin, who now has become an integral part of my life. More like the sister I never had. Although, more often than not, there are times when she drives me up a wall. But Hey! That's what sisters are for. I have made some friends that are truly amazing. Whoever thinks badly of Americans should meet these friends of mine. Within a matter of days (possibly even less), random strangers have become everyday companions. Stronger bonds have been forged with some of my old friends. One must not complain. But one does.

Also, I have grown so much in the past two years than I ever thought I would. I would like to think of myself as a more stronger person now than I've been before. Yes, it wasn't a smooth ride. At all. These past two years have also witnessed my lowest points. I lost my dog, who was more than a brother to me (May his Soul Rest in Peace). I have drifted away from friends whom I was very close to. I have also lost touch with someone who is very special and dear to my heart. But I hope things will resort back to 'normalcy' soon. Anyway, this is not the time to get positively-philosophical. In this whole process of finding myself, I think I've lost myself. Again. There are cracks that need fixing. There are loose ends that need to be tied.

I will be going back to India soon. I think this is necessary. Very. I need to go back to the place that is familiar. I need to be around people that I understand. I ran away from my problems, when I left my homeland in the hope that they will not haunt me. Oh how wrong I was! But now I know better. I've some things to mend. Or rather some things have to mend me.

2004B5A3639P

2 Degrees. 5 Years. 10 Semesters. 54 Courses. Countless Tuts & Tests.

One place

*Takes a bow* - The hamlet that we call Pilani!

Life or Something like it!

We have read about it. We often hear about it-from our friends, family, neighbours and acquaintances. We see it happening around us, yet we are oblivious of it. We think about it and then we convince ourselves that it’s not going to happen to us. In this hoping against hope, It does happen and we fall. We fall deeper. We wonder if we can ever get up. We hope again. And then we try. We rise.

We always do!

We always will!

30 under Thirty!

I have been inspired to draw up this list by looking at a similar effort by a lot of people.And also Boredom played a very BIG role since i always thought this was a very "cheesy" thing to do. Nevertheless,I base my list under the following rule:
No goal should be even close to both ‘easy’ and 'impossible'.(tending to impossible is fine.)
So here is my list of want-to-achieve things before i turn 30 which is not very far away (Okay, its a little far away):

1.Win an Oscar ( I don’t care for which category but Best Actor in a Leading Role would be nice)
2.Be on the amazing race. And yes I know exactly with who I want to be on the show
3.Go to a French Fishing Village and live there for 6 months. And Fish for a living.
4.Stay in the Burj-al-Arab
5.Own an airline company
6.Have my own talk-show
7.Get Nominated for a Grammy
8.Give a commencement speech to the graduating class at Stanford/Harvard-the likes
9.Sky-dive!
10.Cook for a dinner for 50 alone and be appreciated for it by each and every person for each and every dish
11.Write a best-seller book. (Okay, I’ll throw in the “win-a-booker-prize” part too!)
12.Own 20 different breed of dogs. (Yes, they’ll all live with me)
13.Make(Direct-Script) a full-length movie
14.Have a star named after me
15.Attend a UN summit as their “special” guest of honor
16.Discover (not invent) a new island
17.Participate in the Olympics as a part of the Indian Swimming Team
18.Go to Africa and live in the wilderness (till my senses get better of me)
19.Own a restaurant
20.Get a PhD in a field that I’m unfamiliar with right now ( Genetics/English Literature/Economics)
21.Get shortlisted for a Nobel prize
22.Visit the LHC and be the sole authority to push the button for “the” “experiment”
23.Live in 25 countries at least over a span of 5 years
24.Own the worlds most expensive car
25.Become a Rajya Sabha Member
26.Walk on the moon
27.Be the first human to be cloned successfully (commercially of course and yes. For Free.)
28.Be on TIME Magazine’s Cover
29.Invent a new word that is recognized by the Oxford dictionary and becomes one of the most used words like an article or so on and so forth
30.Converse FLUENTLY in 3 different foreign languages. One of them being Arabic.

I really really hope i can complete 10 (okay 5) of the above mentioned things. Here's wishing me luck!

Circles!

That’s the funny thing about circles-there is no beginning or end! It’s one of those things that is defined by you. It is something in your control. And it is probably one of the only things where the beginning merges with the ending. Well you can journey all you want in between them but eventually you’ll land up at the same place. Until you are not sure which was the beginning or which you intended was to be the ending!

Beginning and End- Together they stand!

Every ending can be a new beginning...

Coffee with Utsav!

“Aaah!”, I thought as I saw a Georgia Coffee Machine. Surely a hot cup of cappucino was going to cheer me up and freshen me up! So I took my step forward and approached it with eager anticipation. I clicked all the right buttons and it made all the right noises. I put my cup right under the nozzle just in time when it was spurting out its answer to my request. I was happy. The cup was filling up. Finally, when it was full to its brim only did I remove it from there and walked upto my desk. I kept it there for a while to cool. I am not sure for how long it was. Not more than a few minutes surely! Wrong! As it turned out, I had left it like that for quite some time untouched and ignored. So finally when I did take a sip from it, there was nothing refreshing about it. All I felt was a coldness that swept through my entire body. I thought it’d get better and in that very hope, I continued sipping until there was nothing more left. And now...

The bitterness still remains and it will until something sweet comes along!

Goodbye Pilani!

Warning: This post is filled with cliché’s and written in broken sms English. So all the people who want to make fun of it, remember, you have been forewarned!


It’s been four years since I’v come here. Four long years. Looking back, it doesn’t seem to have been too long. I can still remember my first day here…My first reaction looking at the gate “this must be the back entrance”…looking at the hostels…”I wanna go back rite now!”…looking at the temple..”Oh wow! Finally something nice”…looking at the clock tower..”not much of a reaction actually”…and the weather..man the heat was killing me!!...well..you get the point..

So yeah..its been four nice years..had some good moments..some bad moments..some really good moments…have made my friends for life here..(hopefully :-D)…have met so many ppl here with such various interests that it actually baffles me rite now..have done some crazy things that I thought I’d never do…well…its been great.. ( I really would want to elaborate..maybe some other time)

Hmm..so now I m leaving ? how does that make me feel ? Frankly, I m not too sure..maybe I haven’t accepted it yet..or maybe I have…I keep tellin myself abt how this is not an ending but a new beginning..but yeah..i m gonna miss this place like crazy..i’m gonna miss a lot of things..and if I start listing them down..its gonna go on n on...

Few things to acknowledge..

-Budh 309-Gandhi 182-Krishna 140-Malviya 403 for being a home away from home..
-Department of Sponsorship & Marketing for being my family here(:-D)..
-The English Drama Club for letting me explore my inner talents..(lol..it was amazing in the club)
-Moruchhaya for keeping in lieu with my bong roots..
-SKY for being my safe haven..( *sigh*..pappu’s chaiz…)
-Krishna Redi for feeding me..(again..lol..but srsly munnaji rocks!)
-SUB for all the wonderful games that we played there and the structure work..(hehe)
-SAC for DW!
-ANC for coffee that kept me awake..
-AUDI for all the RAF movies n music nites..
-OASIS…(need I say nething?)
-APOGEE…(ye..i know academic festival..nonetheless..!)

Some memorable moments:

-The cycling trip around campus with all my sponz mates
-cg card collection at the beginning of every sem
-getting my eee dual
-the late nite sessions in rehanz room (arjun singing songs at the highest pitch)
-the bratislava(jaipur) trip..(suzy/me/praz/jd)
-the jaipur ( veer-zaara) trip..(rehan/me/keki/jd)
-First year sponz trip (pink city theme park was it?)
-winning the clutters n clatters competition during interface
-kinniz “restaurant themed” b’day party
-The sessions at patel n Gandhi statue (talking abt ships n stars!)
-First sponz work trip to gurgaon! (remember keki’s hairstyle?)
-Our batch trip to gurgaon..( Chai paani etc..!)
-Diwali marriages
-Holi mud pit
-The pahadi trip
-Music nite (weird steps!)
-Sponz dhamaka! (amazing enthu that day!)
-3-1 (it was quite a sem!)
-FD III (:-D)
-Stat mech compre (lol..my first D!)
-The Jaisalmer Trip (the camel rides..ouch!)
-Ankurz limon!
-Apogee 2007 (my costaanship ob!)
-The wing nite (when there was a blackout..!)
-Mandawa trip (the mike singing..lol..)
-Oasis 2008 (chasing dogs, singing “oooddaaa”…”kya muzzhe pyaar hain sabzee”…)
-DW 2008 (chuckle)
-PS II results nite (runnin around almost everywhere possible)
-RISHIKESH!
-The Sand storms!
-The cold winters

There are like a million more of this…I really cant list all of them down…but every minute spent here was wonderful..(Yes besides me cribbing all the time..hehe..)


There is no better way to express what I’m going through rite now but these few lines…

Things are changing
It seems strange and
I need to figure this out
Yesterday we were laughing
Today I'm left here asking
Where has all the time gone now?
I'm left alone somehow
Growing up and getting older
I don't want to believe it's over
Don't say goodbye
Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight
Cause maybe it's not the end
And although we knew
This time would come
Don't say anything tonight
If you're gonna say goodbye

This is an ode to everyone whom I met here and with whom I’ve shared all the wonderful memories that I’m taking back with me!

Ever Ever After...

(This is actually a song..dunno how to "Write" the tune in it..lol)


I was sitting outside my door
And then it came to me
That it was so hard to see myself without you
I felt a piece of my heart break
I don’t want to be hurt
I don’t want to cry
I don’t want to be alone
I don’t want to break down
So there’s only one way

Come with me
I don’t wanna let you go
Tomorrow is going to be a brand new day
I’ve got no money or house
But baby that’s a start
Please don’t say goodbye

I see a bright light over the horizon
I know it’s gonna be okay
I know we are gonna make it
We’ll be on the other side
I guess its love and there’s no mistaking in that!

Life goes on
And we’ll live happily ever after!

Chromosomes!

X: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?
Y: You don't call.
X: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.
Y: Right.
X: So I don't call either way?
Y: Right.
X: So what's the difference?
Y: There is no difference right now. See, X, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
X: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
Y: Right.
X: Well that sucks.
Y: Yeah, it sucks.
X: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
Y: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
X: What do you mean?
Y: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
X: Well what if she comes back first?
Y: Mmmm... see, that's the thing,somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
X: There's the rub.
Y: There's the rub.

No one is coming back because there is nothing to come back to.

True Lies...

There is nothing, / There is anything, / But there isn't, / Perhaps there is, / Perhaps there isn't, / Surely there is, / Said there isn't, / It's not true, / There is truth, / The lie there is, / There is a lie, / The truth there is, / No one knows, / No one cares, / We know nothing, / We know everything, / Still don't know, / There is an answer, / There isn't an answer, / The truth there is, / The truth there isn't, / The lie there isn't, / The truth there is, / The truth is a lie, / The lie is the truth, / I'm not sure, / Anyone is me, / I am anyone, / Everybody is me / I am everybody, / Like the truth becomes a lie.

-Hyo-shin!

Acknows!

Vusta-The Chinese version of vista. Crap Camera. Kaun Hain Dumb ? Did u know that dum when ultad is mud ? RJ. Pallav’s Cd’s. Oye Rooster, Kabhi peck tho kar?! CC-Cool Cab/Confession Cab. Cham cham. Ganga. Civil War. Moon Sand. Keekiuaah. 5 years. Cheap Songs. Rafting. My shampoo. The UN. L-L-Lies. Food is too expensive here. Campfire. BBQ (which sucked). Sand in eyes. EPC. Nirulas!. No crapping. Bathing together. Chevrolet Optra. Dehradun. The big Shiva statue. Brrrr…its cold. Riverbed. No network. Spicy Chicken. Pakora n Chai. Baba message centre. Goods train. Al habibi. Marhaba. Hayavadhana. Low battery. 26 of us including the drivers-soni’s dream come true. Air hostess. Bubbly!. Jack/Raju. Strong DC. Hmmm-ummm. UMM. Beers. Rum. Lost keys. Lost bags. Orange juice. Jhintak Songs. “TORN”. Aerosmith. When you say nothing at all- I trained him. Drinking and driving is good. 9+5=13. Dominating partner. Nun. On the trees. Cliff Jumping. Chocolate sauce,honey,…!. Sheyx and sheducation. Desperate making out. BABYyy. Passion. Urge. Hawas. Aqua. Vengaboyz. Tent no. 12. Ghosts. Aligarhz box room. Stuccan treat. Costaan bumps. Snaps. Pant’s fall. Mussorrie. Rohan’s indecency. Metallic red/maroon. Hostels. Vamsi. PATELscope!. Worrrssshhttt. Dumb-C’s. What is reshma?. Soddabuddi. Structure or no structure?.Rapids. Golf Course. Roller Coaster. Thank God. Innnnn..Outtt...Innn..Outt...Pushing the limits. NO money. 1750. Fun..

RISHIKESH!

Cheers to those who made it happen. Surely had the time of my life.

Duality!

I walked in. You looked up. You were sitting at the same place. I came over and sat across the table. You said "Hey,It's great seeing you!". I smiled. You ordered. I told you something. You laughed. I smiled. You said something. I din't hear you. You repeated it. I heard it then. You were offended. I took my leg and ran it over yours. You did the same. You looked into my eye. I returned your stare.

Six months later,

I walked in. You looked up. You were sitting at a different place. I came over and sat across the table. I smiled. I took my leg and ran it over yours. You looked up and said "Excuse me, do I know you?". I got up. I left.

Moving on!

It’s all about living in the moment. It’s about leaving things behind. It’s about learning to live without the things you have always learned to love. It’s about knowing when to stop. It’s about knowing what to do after you have stopped. It’s about growing. It’s about staging something that could be a milestone someday. It’s about understanding that it’s really not over. It’s about thinking of it as a new beginning. It’s about ending. It’s about looking ahead .Its about memories. It’s about life. It’s about change. It’s about perspectives. It’s about interest. It’s about new things. It’s about experience. It’s about realizing that there will always be something else. It’s about letting go.

It’s about moving on.

It’s about breaking old knots to make new ones!

Love Actually

"I have found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said “Journey’s end in Lover’s Meeting”. What an Extraordinary thought! Personally I have not experienced anything remotely close to that but I am more than willing to believe that Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said “Love is blind”. Now that is something I know to be true! For some quite inexplicably love fades, for others love is simply lost, but then of course love can also be found even if it is just for the night and there is another kind of love-the cruelest kind, one that almost kills its victims. It’s called unrequited love and of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories? Those of us who fall in love alone. We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved-ones. We are the un-loved ones, the walking wounded, the handicap without an advantage of a great parking space.

Yes you are looking at one such individual!"

-Anonymous (Courtesy-The Holiday)

Eh?

You don’t like yourself but you do admire yourself.
It’s all you’ve got so you cling to it.
You’re so afraid if you'll change, you'll lose what makes you special.

Being miserable doesn’t make you better than anybody else,
it just makes you miserable!

Psychedelia !

I was just lying awake up there, thinking how years can just slip by without anything ever really happening. Do you know what I mean? I mean... there are certain things that need to be taken care of... and you take care of them. You do what you're supposed to do. You pay your bills... you buy things... you accumulate all this stuff... it piles up... then one day, you look up and ten or fifteen years have gone by, and nothing's really happened. You know? All my energy goes towards making things run smoothly... that I can't feel anything... sometimes... I guess. So here I am, in this house, and it's three in the morning and I'm talking to you about death, and dreams... and it feels like something is finally happening to me. And it feels good. I don't even know why I'm telling you these things. I would never do this... normally I wouldn't...

I don't know...

Beginning or End ?

<i found this n couldnt resist puttin it up>

I was thinking the other day about how the most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time.
What do you get at the end of it? A death. What is that, a bonus?

Well... I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for High School. You go to school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last 9 months floating...then you finish off as an orgasm!

... now that's a ride. ... oh yea!

The Bridge

"I see it" , he shouted, straining his vocal chords.
"Where?", she asked intrigued.

“There..It’s right there…Can’t u see it ?” ,he enquired all excited.

“Hmm…Are we looking for the same thing here ?”. She was bored.

This had been happening from the beginning of time.

They were both looking for something.

Something which they never found!

The Dream

And all i ever wanted to tell you was :

"I Love You !! "

An Inconvenient Truth

He was strolling down a derelict road. He was unaided. He looked down the track and saw two things lying there in the middle waiting to be grabbed. One of them was an ominous looking leaf. It was patched and dried. The other one was a flower blooming in all its glory. He stared at them. For a long time, he did nothing. He was encapsulated by the contrasting feelings that were creeping in his mind. He was not sure what to do.

What do you think he did ??


It’s very easy to love a flower. But it’s all the more difficult to love a leaf. Choose wisely and you shall never be disappointed.

You

I have heard about you. I have talked about you. I have talked to you. I have sensed the power in you. I have felt your presence in me. I have lived moments with you. I have shared my experiences with you. I have felt your pain. I have rejoiced in your happiness.
I have learnt a lot from you. I have also taught you a few things. I have been given a new insight into a lot of variables because of you. I have grown to love you now. So have you.

I have learnt more about you than you possibly know.

But..

I have not seen you.
Do I know you ?

A Temporary Matter..

The notice in my head said that it was a temporary matter.

And it really was.

A matter of choice

I opened the refrigerator and poured myself a very cold glass of water. It was a hot day. Slowly and gradually, the little beads of condensation started making their downward descent. Some were plummeting down at speeds that would put F1 racers at shame. While a few were just hanging on , wondering and hoping that their dear life would be saved if only someone thought of lifting the glass and tilting it. I watched and I watched but I did nothing. I waited for it become warm and then finally when all the beads had settled and solvated into the icy bottom and had made an ominous ring on my table did I decide to pick up the glass. But the water had become hot and I was no longer interested in it. I went up to the fridge again and poured myself another glass of chilled water.

And the cycle continued.

Hope..

In a world filled with darkness ,we all need some kind of light, whether its a great flame that shows us how to win back what we have lost or a powerful beacon intended to scare away potential monsters or a few glowing bulbs that reveal to us the hidden truth about our pasts. we all need something to help us get through the night even if it is just the tiniest glimmer of hope.

Incomplete

Aditya was staring into open space. His life had come to a standstill (not in the strictest sense of the word). He had been doing a lot of things but nothing of importance or grand to talk about or to be proud of. It was quite apparent from his expression that he was looking for something more, something to come by, something to live for. But sadly, this something never came.

Everyday passed without a sense of achievement until there was nothing more to ponder over but remorse itself. He went over the chores in a routine manner and did the necessary things to keep him busy. Yes, it did help him forget things for a moment but it didn’t help him to forget his dreams. Didn’t I mention it before?? Dreams, he had a lot of them. And he wanted to fulfill most of them. And unfortunately, for the rest of the day, he used to lose himself in them. Wondering and Wishing they would come true. What a fool !

Tanya was trapped in a closed space. She didn’t know where to go or what to do. She was very different; she had always been like that. She grew up with tradition as her principle. She lived in a shell. A shell hard to breach. Well, almost! No one really understood why she did what she did and she always had a hard time explaining them. To be frank, she never really cared for anyone else. She was the perfect paradox.

She had almost everything that she ever wanted. The heights that she had reached were difficult to scale by many people. Not to forget the drastic consequences that followed suit.Outgoing, Smart and Sauvé were a few adjectives one could attribute to her. But Alas! All this was to change soon.

To be continued...

Ehsaas

Life takes you on a journey through various emotions. It acquaints you with different people. Some of them you forget, some of them you wish you had never met.But there are some who just leave an indelible impression on your soul. It’s difficult to forget the moment. That one moment that changes everything. That one moment when you’re weak and you’re absorbed in it.That one moment that you had wanted for ever. That one moment which is enough to help you live through the remaining part of your limbo.

That one moment happened one night.

The Rising

Everything is judged by its appearance, what is unseen counts for nothing.
Never let yourself get lost in the crowd or buried in oblivion.
Stand out.
Be Proud.
Be warm.
Be Liberal.
Stay away from timid people who belittle your ways.
"Larger than Life " Personality is IN !
Work your magic today...

Walking through the clouds...

Thought…
Reckon…
Ponder…
Deliberate…
Argue…
Conclude ?

Pain…
Suffering…
Struggle…
War…
Happy ?

Misery…
Sadness…
Force ?

Realization…
Acceptance…
Change ?

Inspiration…
Delight…
Enlightenment....
Solace…
Inexplicable Bliss ?

A Bitter Truth...???

nothing is permanent and
no one is to be taken for granted....
your body is the only thing which u can call your own in your lifetime....
take care of it....
dont let the waves rule you find a way to be free and control the waves........
some one said have a dream and follow it...
but no one said how to achieve it...
your shadow will be the only one who will
follow you and your dreams .....
some one said love at first sight..
but experience tells Lust at first sight...
love decays faster than a rotten wood or a rusted iron.....
what your mind disapproves, your heart disagrees
soon all these will be irrelevent
when the enigma of Monalisa smile,and when
you sleep with Wilde's poem or dive a perfect
10 into the ocean,or wear a designers suit whose
name never ceases to live on......
is unearthed

Relationships-A facade to the Universe ?!?!?

When one thinks of a relationship, its all about caring (is it??) for the other person, that is your counterpart…but does one realize how difficult it is to maintain the passion going all the way ?!? Generally,people are afraid of commitments..not in the case of everyone but most of them..while some think its better not to jump into the sea where there are lots of fish to catch..there are others who worry about the outcome..ofcourse,everyone knows how it hurts when you fall onto hard ground from rooftop..don’t they ?? one might wonder as to why I am elevating the word ‘relationship’ to a pedestal that is difficult to embark upon,as in calling it a façade of the universe ? Well,the answer is actually pretty simple..everything in this world is living,breathing,eating,drinking (n any other form of adjective that you can think of) relationships !! there is a connection with everything and everyone in this world…whatever you do reflects onto the inner side of what you truly believe or what you want to believe (or so I believe).Everyone has this notion that once your into a relationship,your hands are bound and your legs are chained,but I ask is it the case with everyone ?? I want to know where is the limit …that again depends on different people..the whole point is one cant really choose as to what is being done..i quote from the alchemist “When you want something,the whole universe conspires to bringing it to you (or is it the other way around)??”there are so many questions but very few answers…everything has got a deeper meaning..you just have to know where to dig and how deep to dig..its all the same..superficially,one can be anything he wants but it’s the true-inner-self that is of interest here..i just stare at this piece of crap that I’v just written n wonder…do I truly believe in what I am writng ?? Am I practicing what I preach ?The answer again can be an enigma…this is just a simple thought converted into an array of metaphors…just dig deeper and you’ll realize that every word has a different ring to it..a different tone to it….find out..!!

The One...

Lovable (cant help it),Good looking (can help it),Unpredictable (most of the time), Extremist(dont believe in shades of gray, its either black or white for me), Creative (was born that way), Sarcastic (all the time), Impulsive, moody (no, dont suffer from any split personality disorders), Passionate (about everything I do), Intelligent (so says everyone), Philosophical (not sentimental), nice person (deep down inside; warning-will have to dig really deep(not really)), Humorous (if you can understand my jokes), Workaholic (cant live without feeling productive), Ambitious (with a never say die attitude), love icecreams/movies/stimulating conversations/traveling/bathing, cannot suffer fools, selfish (self comes first!(again not really)), cynical, yet sane ; capricious, yet stable; spur-of-the-moment with a backup plan, stereotype unique and the perfect paradox. When you think you know me, you don`t, when you think you don`t you do. Passionate about work, Passionate about fun, passionate about life!

The Search..

Hmmm...there's lot to write, yet nothing much to write home
about. Precisely the kind of dilemma you're in when you sit
down to describe yourself, in right earnest - you're all of
it, and yet none of it. So who's the real me?
My life has taken me to myriad places, people,
circumstances and emotions, and looking back, I feel that a
common thread runs through it all - Life has been
beautiful, and i'm in love with it. So much so that,
sometimes i'm confused as to who's the real me - the one
who likes to lie alone on the terrace gazing the sky at
nights, or the one who likes to sweat it out at the
dancefloor with pals, the one who feels unbounded joy on an
achievement, or the one who wipes his lonely tears in a
dark room. All through this and lot more, Life has been
indeed beautiful. It still is, thanks to it's serendipity.
Or is it that i'm a die-hard romantic? Did I just mention
romance? Well, thats one emotion which is missing from my
diary. Sometimes, when my solitude; crowded as it is by
events and relationships; gets too heavy to bear, I ask God
that when he gave me the pining for love, I realised I had
a heart, and now that it aches, where's love? As expected,
I get only silences in return, but my life has taught me
that silences have the profoundest of meanings hidden in
them, and so I'm still trying to unravel it.
.......This self-description seems spinning out of control,
I almost sound apologetic about the lack of love, but then
I look out of my window - its 4 a.m. and everybody around
is asleep, the sky is changing hues very slowly, the cool
breeze gives me the goosebumps, the sleepy eyes are opening
wide to the enchantment of the hour, and then a voice of
the Muezzin calling out to all the faithful for prayer,
echoes in the skies, like a manna from the heaven it
descends to me. The prayer, though I can't comprehend a
word of it, passes through my soul, and it rises again,
carrying the weight of my hopes & desires. There she goes....and I say a mute AMEN! I look around, its a brand new day - the first day of the rest of my life - and I'm in love - with LIFE. La vita e bella.
What am I looking for? Hmmmmm, someone who can make sense of the aforesaid goulash :)).
But seriously, someone who can talk, can be talked to, someone who too is straight from the heart.......

The Desire..

Take a good look around you..u’ll find a lot that u have..u’ll find a lot that u don’t have..u’ll find a lot that u want..
This wanting can be dangerous…u might ask…why ? well..its really very simple..
U want a lot of things…some u get..some u don’t…some r explicit…some implicit..whereas some r just plain hidden…its hidden inside-the truth known only to u..
But tell me something ?? u know u have it but others don’t know that u do..so is ur desire fulfilled..?? or is it that the very fact that others know that u have wat u want leads to the fulfillment of ur desire ?? interesting isn’t it ..how our mind plays tricks on us…u keep telling urself..its not for them…but u know wat ?? its always for them…every single thing that u do..that u want…is not for urself…its for them..! u might disagree…well..so did i…but like I said already..things change..
The desire to grow..the desire to believe..the desire to accept…no one thinks abt these…
I mean why is it that we want something so badly but once we have it we don’t appreciate it as we used to ?? is it human nature ?? or is it u or me ??
This desire puts u in a trap…it engulfs u…doenst let u go…it’s the only thing on ur mind when it really shouldn’t be…n the worst part-- there is nothing u can do abt it..(sometimes there is..) but just let urself get enthralled by it….sucks doesn’t it ?!
I mean there r these times when u feel that WHY ?? but then those moments r very short-lived..they disappear as quickly as they appear..i wish they’d stay for a longer time..
But one has to got to live with it..cuz without the desire..there would be nothing..u wouldn’t long for nething n that wouldn’t give u the drive to do things that u do..so really desire is a good thing ???
Decide for urself..

How Things Change..

Have you ever wondered how things change ??
I have..for a long long time..This phrase just astonishes me..
Things really change..
they change for the good..they change for the bad..But they change...It is no more of a question than an exclaimation..I am not asking how things change..
i am just reflecting on the fact that they do..
There comes a time in everyone's life when you think that this is the thing that you want..
this is wat is gonna make you happy..and your pretty sure of it..but wat if it is not ???
Wat do you do ?? do you run away or do you go ahead neway ??   
The answer to this very question leads you on a journey
that can be quite memorable as it can be painful..
Things change..ppl change...their perspective changes...situation changes..and all of these are interrelated..one cannot live on its own...
At one point of time..you'd have never imagined your life to be like this but then you wake up one morning n you find your life to be in the exact scenario that you were tryin to avoid....cruel isnt it ??
Wat do you do then ?? Nothing...Just accept things and move on....why ? for your survival...for your existence in a social world...for your presence to be appreciated...for your very purpose of fulfilling the promises that you once made...
things change...
but then there is nothing that one can do abt it..or can they ?? but to change something that has already changed..u'll have to change something else...is it all worth it ?? that's another word that really plays tricks on ur mind..."worth"...its laughable really...think abt it..! yes..i mean u !
see..how things change...i'v started writing "u" instead of "you" !
like i said earlier...its funny..painful but still funny..........