Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Last Two Years!

It's been over two years since my last post. I had stopped writing. I don't know why. Maybe I didn't have anything to write about. But I've decided to write again. It's easier. Sometimes. However, you don't have to read it. But I've to ramble on. So I shall.

So What have I been doing for the last two years? Good question. I think the closest answer would be 'figuring things out'. You might ask, "How did that work out for you?" "Some good. Some bad." However, my last two years spent in a land far away from what I call home was important. In fact, it was necessary. To live in a town and not a city. To live alone and not with a roommate. It was imperative that I learn to love my company. I understand the value of 'conversation' much more now. I know how easy it is to get lost in the matrix of our minds. I value listening to speaking. I have learnt not to judge. Most of all, judge someone by their looks. Although, one can argue that the way a person looks outside is the reflection of his/her inside. Either way, that is not the point. Not that everything has to have a point. But you get what I mean?

These past two years have been very interesting, to say the least. Many events and many more realizations have made this ride extremely (un)comfortable at times. I have done things that I never thought I would do. I have not done things that I always thought I would do. Ah well! This place has brought me closer to myself. And for that, I'll be eternally grateful. There is no such pleasure as knowing who you are and accepting that. One might say, it's liberating even. I lived in a beautiful apartment. It was my safe haven with nick-knacks collected from my travels. I filled it with memories from my previous years and have made new ones to fill my future homes to come. I have re-connected with old friends that I had last met in School. I got closer to friends who were with me in College. This place brought me closer to my second-cousin, who now has become an integral part of my life. More like the sister I never had. Although, more often than not, there are times when she drives me up a wall. But Hey! That's what sisters are for. I have made some friends that are truly amazing. Whoever thinks badly of Americans should meet these friends of mine. Within a matter of days (possibly even less), random strangers have become everyday companions. Stronger bonds have been forged with some of my old friends. One must not complain. But one does.

Also, I have grown so much in the past two years than I ever thought I would. I would like to think of myself as a more stronger person now than I've been before. Yes, it wasn't a smooth ride. At all. These past two years have also witnessed my lowest points. I lost my dog, who was more than a brother to me (May his Soul Rest in Peace). I have drifted away from friends whom I was very close to. I have also lost touch with someone who is very special and dear to my heart. But I hope things will resort back to 'normalcy' soon. Anyway, this is not the time to get positively-philosophical. In this whole process of finding myself, I think I've lost myself. Again. There are cracks that need fixing. There are loose ends that need to be tied.

I will be going back to India soon. I think this is necessary. Very. I need to go back to the place that is familiar. I need to be around people that I understand. I ran away from my problems, when I left my homeland in the hope that they will not haunt me. Oh how wrong I was! But now I know better. I've some things to mend. Or rather some things have to mend me.


Srijata said...

I am glad that u grew up in the last two years!..I was confused at the end..u lost urself by finding urself..or..??
enjoyed reading it!

shveta said...

I stand as a testimony to all that has been written in this blog! The last 3 years have given me so many 'giglacious' memories :D

Ranjana said...